Successful Women and Toxic Partners.

There is something curious about the relationships some very successful women have, something off-putting. These women are intelligent, beautiful, driven, big-hearted overall inspirational, and yet they are dating or married to someone who is not their equal whatsoever. They are the type of women that no one would ever imagine being with someone completely unworthy of their attention, just not the kind of woman that would “fall” for that kind of guy.

Interestingly enough, successful women are the exact type of women that “fall” for that king of guy. In fact, the research shows that high achieving women are a lot more prone to seek out and engage in a relationship with toxic men, than any other women. There are certainly a few reasons behind this weird attraction that successful women have for these men. Relationships are complicated, this type of relationship is particularly complicated, but here are a few pointers. 

  • Successful women are used to doing the work.

Success does not come without doing the work, and successful women are used to putting in the hours. They know that commitment and effort will get them the results, and so they apply the tried and proven method to attain success in relationships. Well, if it works in professional life why not in personal? Seems like a logical way of thinking. High achieving women put in the work and effort into the relationship continuously to achieve the desired results, which is a happy relationship. Eventually, the high-achieving women will find themselves wondering why is the relationship not working or why is he the way he is. 

  • Toxic men seek out strong women.

Successful women are not weak or have low standards when it comes to just about everything. And that is exactly why they are being sought after by these emotionally toxic to them men. Contrary to a common thought that these men go after emotionally weak women, it is actually quite the opposite. Narcissists go after strong, smart and powerful women. Which makes sense, because they are givers and narcissistic self-centred men are takers. Their fragile ego needs to be constantly stroked, and emotionally strong, successful women are just perfect for the job. The narcissistic men need and want a strong woman they can rely on, they also need a successful woman so they don’t actually have to take care of her. She must also be an intelligent woman, this way they can constantly prove to her that they are smarter and superior to her intelligence. They are not looking for a woman that they would need to support emotionally, it’s a one-way street relationship. 

At this point, you may wonder; what do these women get out of such a relationship, why would they stick around?

That is the question many people look at and study in several different fields and try to explain the best they can. I may add it is not a very easy question to answer or explain fully.

But to simply put it, these men are very charismatic and charming, they are funny and witty, they are impressive in many regards, they also like to look great. Being with this man is never boring, he makes you feel like the one, your friends like him and think he is funny and is a great guy, it is easy for him to charm them away. You feel like he is the one and you love every moment with him, you love the attention he gives you, that exclusivity you always dreamed of. At least for some time, it will be like that. 

  • Toxic men’s attachment style is different.

There are some attachment styles that we know of, I will talk about those later on. We do know that narcissists have an avoidant attachment style, and people with an anxious attachment style suffer the most at the hand of an avoidant style. For high achieving women with an anxious attachment style, a relationship with a narcissist is the most damaging and painful and takes a long while to get over. If the anxious style is being triggered by the premise of a break-up or restraint of attention, the anxious feelings will set in that are hard to deal with and take time to recover from. Successful women with a secure attachment style are better equipped to deal with a narcissist than any other one.  However, not all avoidant attachment style people are narcissists. 


Ellina Scaduto